Tips for Funeral Etiquette

It can be difficult to know what to say and how to act when you go to a funeral. Whether you were very close to the deceased or they were just an acquaintance, it can be a difficult and even an awkward experience. If you struggle with knowing the correct etiquette of funerals, here are some tips to help you through them.

What to wear to a funeral

You should try to dress conservatively and formally for funerals out of respect for the occasion. Generally speaking, you should wear dark colors like black or dark blues and grays. Occasionally, a person may specify in their will or pre-arrangements that they want attendees to dress in bright colors to make it a happier, more celebratory affair. But only do this if it is specifically requested.

Arriving at a funeral

Do everything you can to be on time to a funeral, or even arrive early to be safe. Enter the church or hall quietly and respectfully. You may be seated by an usher or member of staff. If you can decide for yourself where to sit, then you should only sit in the first few rows if you are a close friend or family member. Make sure you turn off your cellphone or completely silence it, and don’t use your phone during the service.

What to bring

Some people bring gifts or flowers to a funeral or memorial service, although you are not obliged to do so. If you want to show your sympathies in this way, then you can have flowers sent to the funeral home beforehand so that they are there for the service, or you can bring flowers with you. As an alternative, a sympathy card is a nice gesture for showing your condolences, as is a token gift in memory of the deceased. Providing homecooked food for the family of the deceased can also help them through this difficult time.

What to say

Nothing feels like the right thing to say to someone who is grieving. A simple “I’m sorry for your loss” is a nice way of expressing your sympathies. You may want to share memories of the deceased if you know them well, but be aware of the person’s response to judge whether they want to talk or be left in peace. Try to avoid expressions that try to make sense of the death, such as “there’s a reason for everything.”

If you feel uncomfortable attending funerals, remember that most people in the room are probably feeling the same way. Contact Hayworth Miller if you’re preparing for an upcoming funeral.